Chalk it up to failure

So today is/was a bad day. I set out to get back on track with my diet and like all the other 1000 times I failed...and so then I hate myself for it...the failure line gets in my head and I cant get it out and then it is just a downward spiral in life. It affects anything and everything that I do in my day to day life. I need to find a way to change this fact and this negative behavior, but I just dont know how. It is like I am standing at the bottom of a huge hole with no way out and I know that I will die here. Many days, I feel all alone...it seems like I am always making someone upset or unhappy. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming I dont know what to do....many times all of this makes me turn to food. IT is a comfort, a friend that is always there for me...it is like a great drug...then of course when I eat to much, it is a horrible sick feeling but that doesnt stop me from doing it again. It is my rock and a solid companion in my life. If I am to remain in this world, I cannot go on like this. I am over 320 lbs and miserable. I often wonder at what wake up call will this all stop? What is it going to take for me to get serious...diabetes, heart attack, stroke....all of this is a real possibility but of course everyone thinks it wont happen to them until it is too late.....I know it will soon be too late for me if things dont change.

Pretty Sad

Looking back it is a pretty sad thing that my first and only post that I wrote on this was almost a year ago. Let's just say that not much weight wise has changed and that is the bad part. I thought by now I would have been on a yr long journey. Sure I have had some starts, only to end just as quick. For some reason lately I have been thinking about things that people who have never had a weight problem take forgranted in their day to to day life and so I decided I should write about the ones that come to mind. The order is totally random.
1. Being able to go on a ride at an amusement park and not having to wonder if you will fit.
2. Being able to drive a car without you touching the steering wheel with your stomach.
3. Not feeling your stomach on your thighs when you sit down.
4. Being able to jump on a trampoline.
5. Being able to go to any store and buy clothes off the rack.
6. Getting a rash from too much moisture under the rolls.
7. Being able to fit in any and all chairs no matter where you are.
8. Not having to worry that something is going to break under your weight.
9. No feeling like everyone is looking at how big you are.
10. Being able to buckle your seatbelt in an airplane without having to ask for an extension.

Now I know that there is a lot more that I wanted to mention that I just cant think of right now, but when I do, I will be sure to write them down.